Saturday, November 15, 2008 @ 6:09 pm
Wow!!! How cool can my life be? Living with people that "really understands me". Hah! Wow, now I can't get the understanding of the term 'appreciate'. Rubbish! Hell shit! All this while, i've just been creating stories in front of my friends including Kak Juli about how wonderful living with my ****** cz I do not want them to know that I feel unhappy living you. I do not want people to have the perception that my ****** is bad and all if I tell them what I've gone thru and all. I do not want that. But, I just can't take it no more. Fine, it's always my fault but no one knows why I act like that. One of the reasons is bcz you do not take the effort to understand me. My dreams! you thrashed away my dream! You! My one and only dream is simply just to be someone whom people would apreciate in the future, and all those demoralisation, those hurtful words that you hurled at me, those thrashing, it doesn't leave a mark physically but it wud always leave a mark emotionally at me. You've always doubt my honesty, my sincerity, everything. Look, I know I don't belong to you, but I deserve to do what I wish and just want to be acknowledged and for you to know my presence. Y cnt you look at me? Y cnt you feel what I feel? I'm always the one having to look after your feelings, but what abt mine? I'm not a stone. I know i've hurt you, but what abt me? Have you ever notice how you've always hurt me? Huh? You didn't notice do you that what you did as days goes by make me dislike you more and more?
No one know's how much i've struggled to be happy and to stop myself from crying. No one. Sometimes I just wanna...
Haish, i'm just trap in my own lying about my joy and happiness and abt reality. No use lah blogging everything in or telling anyone, cz nothing wud change. My dear friends, I know you guys always say that I'm secretive and all, yar I know, I purposely keep everything from everyone. The real me, my real life. cz I want you guys to accept me. I doubt it, if I told you guys the truth about everything you guys would still wanna be my friends. Call me an imposter, liar or whatever you wish, but i'm just trying very hard to be accepted by everyone, but then I realise that I'm putting on a mask and being an imposter. I'm a liar... I'm sorry everyone. I'm sorry world. I'm sorry my friends.
One Of My friend would always say: "An imposter would always stay as one, A liar would always go abt lying to everyone..."
When I look back, maybe it's true... I am one.
